Courting a Courtship

Browsing Facebook this morning I came across a post from a friend who shared a New York Times article on courtship and the struggles of young adults and dating. Reading through it I had some thoughts, or maybe just some hopes, that this problem may be over-exaggerated and isn't as dire as the article makes it out to be.

I will not argue that in this ever more technological age we, as individuals, are growing ever suckier at communicating in meaningful ways. Sure, text messages and email are fantastic developments, but there are times when a hand-written note, phone call, or face-to-face in-person conversation is the right way to go (an outrageous thought, isn't it). And I would hope that this commitment to being a little bit better would be no where more prevalent than in the dating scene.

Courtesy of Landmark Report's
"Ask Justin."

The article sights hook-up culture as one of the major reasons. Prevalent mostly in college life and mostly fueled by alcohol. I think, though, that most people taking part know it is not a romantic relationship in the traditional sense. Being able, as in individual, to make that distinction is important. That ability should then show up should one decided that are looking for more than just sex with a (sometimes) attractive individual.

Physical attraction is one thing, and is definitely important. Yet there are far more components to an individual that get noticed and considered when looking for this real partner, when looking to maybe grow up and settle down. And this is part of where courtship and actual dates are important.

By no means would it be beneficial for our society to return to Medieval levels of wooing a princess - that just is not practical or desired in today's world. And no one is arguing that to correctly court you need to spend a ton of money for a Broadway show and dinner at the fanciest French restaurant in town. You can go on an actual date. In my opinion, which I hope is shared by others, it does not matter the physical location so much as what is experienced while there. There is some bottom line of classiness required. No one wants to go on a first, meaningful date to KFC; Applebee's is perfectly acceptable though.

Courtship is not dead; it's most recent form may be on its last legs. The acts of courting a woman, dating, and forming a relationship will change as the times, cultural standards, and people change. And this is a good thing. A move towards texting "yo, lets hang out 2nite" is not guaranteed. I would advocate a mix of the old with the new. Be progressive, but be classy and bits of old-fashioned. No one will complain about having a door held for them; many would about the male always paying for everything. A first date is an important get-to-know you step. Make it such. It should be just about you two. Then again, we do lack conversation skills so maybe the group hangouts with text invites should be how everyone determines their significant others.